28 December, 2011

Days like this...

Some days are hard. Some days it seems you struggle just to get through. Some days are one silent defeat after another.

Some days just suck.

Life seems to cycle. It goes from being dynamic highs to feeling like I am trudging through the mud. It's hard; I feel beat down. I want to stay inside, beneath the covers and cry.

There is nominal comfort in the knowledge that things cannot stay this way. In the moment, in the muck, when all I can feel is anger and my short tempered flaring and increasing isolation, that is of little comfort.

What is going on? I feel alone and scared and exhausted. There was no catalyst. Nothing "happened." I am just having a bad week and for now that needs to be enough.

So I am trying to stay small, to stay out of people's way, to be detached. It's not your fault things are this way and I won't take it out on you.

It's days like this I think of Rwanda, of being on that hillside and watching the sunset and wondering if life could not always be so simple. 

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